The Blind Passenger
Melissa Tate-Scruse speaks about being a blind Passenger in your relationship.
The blind passenger is when you are on someone else’s emotional rollercoaster.
In a relationship, this occurs when one partner is struggling. The partner may be struggling with emotional instability, aggressiveness, alcoholism etc., and their partner is along for the ride.
- As the partner who is not struggling attempts to figure out what is going, he or she begins to become unbalanced; the partner is blinded by something.
- Being blinded prevents this partner from recognizing the magnitude of the situation.
- While you are blinded, you are losing your peace, state of mind, and stability.
- Blindness does not allow you to make rational decisions. People are blinded by love, hope, dreams, loyalty etc.
How to get off of the rollercoaster
- Be informed. If you see that your significant other is experiencing difficulty, educate yourself.
- Go to counseling make an informed verses an emotional decision.
- Surround yourself with people who have your best interest and make generally good decisions.
- Listen to the concerns of friends and family members. They may see things from another perspective. Listening does not mean that you share all the details about your relationship. Listening refers to taking their concerns into consideration. You can process whether these concerns are legitimate independent of these individuals.
- Being blinded prevents the partner from recognizing the magnitude of the situation.
- Family might not be as blinded by the situation due to the fact they are not as emotionally involved.
- Family may not be as forgiving, so be careful about family involvement.
- Ultimately, you really need to have conversations with your partner. Bring problematic or difficult issues to the surface to prevent them from unknowingly running in the background.
In families, there are a lot of necessary conversations that are not happening that stimulate patterns of abuse, divorce, or alcoholism. Make sure that there is room for difficult conversations in your relationship.
Recognize when you fall in love with the potential or the idea of what your partner can be rather than the reality. This is when the reality of the situation does not match your vision. Know that you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.
For more information, you can check out the book Blind Passenger. The book goes into detail about Dr. Melissa’s personal experiences with being a blind passenger. She gives, you a front row seat to her internal struggle as a blind passenger. “She has had to literally and figuratively pick herself up from some raw and shocking situations.”