The Traveling Spouse with Three Degrees member-Valerie Holiday
Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 8
Target Audience: Couples in Long Distance Relationships or Frequently Traveling for work
Objective: To give information about what things are helpful when you are or have a traveling spouse?
About Valerie:
*My marriage is Bi-coastal and international. My husband resides in UK, England and I’m in USA, Atlanta.
*I’ve been married 3 times. I am a firm believer of the institution of marriage. I knew there was somebody out there who could deal with me and my lifestyle, and it wasn’t going to wreak havoc on the relationship, because they were going to be understanding.
*1st marriage lasted 7 yrs, I have son who is 33 from that marriage; 2nd marriage only lasted 2yrs there were too many differences.
Currently married 10 yrs but together 14-15yrs
Tips For Relationship and Marriage:
*When you become involved with someone on a permanent basis, you must accept them for who they are as they must accept you for who you are.
*Don’t go into marriage thinking that when you get married you’ll change them.
*You must work on the relationship. If you want it to last, you should invest time, effort energy, and patience. It’s not always 50/50. You might end up with the messy stick most of the time; It may be ok, since you don’t end up with it all the time. A relationship is give and take.
Recommendations to help when you’re apart:
*Make time for each other- Skype has been an absolute blessing
*Call each other to say good morning or good night.
What are things you should plan for when starting a Long Distance relationship:
*Finances are important
*Put money aside for travel
*Plan days off around each other’s schedule
How do you plan to depart from each other?:
*Leave Notes-
-Slip a love note in a bag
-Leave message on the mirror that can be seen when it fogs up
-Get a card
Behaviors or things to avoid:
*Avoid insecurity- If you travel frequently, a secure relationship is needed.
*Avoid Distrust- Develop trust in each other.
*Avoid Poor Communication- Make sure you talk and listen to each other.
*Don’t be lazy!-It takes time and effort to make it work.
Other Tips:
*Be patient
*Have conversation and make the effort to communicate
*Be honest
*Find a way to state a complaint or what’s bugging you
*Figure out each other’s moods
*Don’t go to bed angry
*It’s all about working together
*Support each other in whatever it is that you each want to do.
Benefits to being in a long distance relationship:
*Distance allows you to take a break and rethink what you’re arguing about and see it from the other’s point of view.
*We overdose on love when we are together, because we miss touching each other when we’re apart.
How do you deal with people who are attracted to you while working?
*Keep distance maintained with others.
*State that you’re in a relationship.
*Don’t give your spouse a reason to feel disrespected when they are around. Keep to the same pattern even when they’re not around.
What’s the main thing that has made your relationship a success?
*Communication and Patience
*Recognizing we’re two different personalities
*I’ve got his back and he has mine